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Poems By Ogden Nash
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Reflection on Babies

A bit of talcum
Is always walcum.

The Parent

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
And that's what parents were created for.

Family Court

One would be in less danger
From the wiles of a stranger
If one's own kin and kith
Were more fun to be with.

Song of the Open Road

I think that I shall never see
billboard as lovely as a tree.
Perhaps unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all.

Lather as You

Go Beneath this slab
John Brown is stowed.
He watched the ads
And not the road.

The Dog

The truth I do not stretch or shove
When I state that the dog is full of love.
I've also found, by actual test,
A wet dog is the lovingest.

The Fly

The Lord in His wisdom made the fly,
And then forgot to tell us why.

The Cow

The cow is of bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other is milk.

The Eel

I don't mind eels
Except as meals.
And the way they feels.

Reflexions on Ice-Breaking

Candy is dandy
But liquor is quicker.

Biological Reflection

A girl whose cheeks are covered with paint
Has an advantage with me over one whose ain't.

What's the Use?

Sure, deck your limbs in pants;
Yours are the limbs, my sweeting.
You look divine as you advance --
Have you seen yourself retreating?

The Perfect Husband

He tells you when you've got
on too much lipstick
And helps you with your girdle
when your hips stick.

A Word to Husbands

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.

Grandpa is Ashamed

A child need not be very clever
To learn that "Later, dear" means "Never."

Reflection on the Fallibiity of Nemesis

He who is ridden by a conscience
Worries about a lot of nonscience;
He without benefit of scruples
His fun and income soon quadruples.

Lines on Facing Forty

I have a bone to pick with fate,
Come here and tell me girly,
Do you think my mind is maturing late,
Or simply rotting early.

Crossing the Border

Senescence begins
And middle age ends
The day your descendents
Outnumber your friends.

The Panther

The panther is like a leopard,
Except it hasn't been peppered.
Should you behold a panther crouch,
Prepare to say Ouch.
Better yet, if called by a panther,
Don't anther.

The Lama

The one-l lama,
He's a priest;
The two-l llama,
He's a beast.
And I will bet
A silk pajama
There isn't any
Three-l lllama.


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